FAMILY
Marriage and the family unit are among the oldest of institutions among mankind, and when respected, have brought much happiness to the human family as a whole. However, in these days, there are challenges to the health, security, and happiness of humans. Why is the family arrangement to be treasured and safeguarded, and what can help each member of the family to contribute to the well-being and happiness of all involved?
Family
1. PRICELESS. What a priceless institution is the family unit, initiated by our loving Heavenly Father, Jehovah. Performing the first marriage, bringing the woman, Eve, to the first man, Adam, after forming her from one of Adam’s ribs, Jehovah thus began an arrangement that would prove to be a great blessing to the human family (Gen. 2:20-24). Making possible a secure environment allowing for the raising of well-adjusted children, as they perhaps receive loving training and discipline from loyal God-fearing parents, the family unit has thus brought a measure of peace and happiness to humankind. However, what are the roles of each member of the family? What is the headship arrangement, and who should the family respect and regard as their highest authority? How can they interact in a lovable way to promote the maintaining of peace and happiness within?
2. ROLES, HUSBAND. Each member of a family plays a significant role in promoting genuine peace within the family arrangement. God’s word outlines the most important traits each is to practice to maintain this peace. Let’s begin with the husband and father. According to Ephesians 5:25, the counsel to them is “Husbands, continue loving your wives, just as the Christ also loved the congregation and gave himself up for it.” Jesus set the example for husbands, that just as he loved the Christian congregation of his followers, the husband is to love his wife the same. In fact, Ephesians 5 continues: “28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself, 29 for no man ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cherishes it, just as the Christ does the congregation.” All men should give attention to the example of Christ, that they may know how to show love as he did, and as God does. As the husband shows love as he should, this makes it easier for others in the family to fulfill their assigned roles as well. Patience should be shown the man as he seeks to fulfill this requirement of God.
5. HUMILITY, MILDNESS, RESPECT. Thus, God’s word encourages wives to have chaste conduct and deep respect for their husbands, and to let their adornment not be so much external but internal—a quiet and mild spirit, of great value in the eyes of God. This mildness is shown not only when tempers could flare, but rather it is a gentleness of spirit that is shown throughout the day in varying situations, a persistently gentle spirit. What of quietness? A quiet spirit certainly includes humility and loyalty. Women with proper humility will not unnecessarily nag their husbands, or be overtly opinionated, quarrelsome, or loud about their ideas (Prov 27:15). A humble and loyal wife will not be quick to find fault with her husband, but always try to encourage her husband in his loyalty to God. This would be showing him the respect that God encourages wives to have. Husbands and wives, then, should work diligently to observe the counsel of Ephesians 5:33: “Nevertheless, each one of you must love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.”
6. CHILDREN. Children certainly are encouraged to be in subjection to their parents or guardians. This is in harmony with the counsel of Ephesians 6:1-4 “Children, be obedient to your parents in union with the Lord, for this is righteous. 2 “Honor your father and your mother” is the first command with a promise: 3 “That it may go well with you and you may remain a long time on the earth.” 4 And fathers, do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and admonition of Jehovah.” Certainly it is hoped that parents recognize the precious gift they have been given in their children, as expressed at Psalm 127:3-5, “Look! Sons are an inheritance from Jehovah; The fruitage of the belly is a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a mighty man, So are the sons of youth. 5 Happy is the able-bodied man that has filled his quiver with them. They will not be ashamed, For they will speak with enemies in the gate.” Jesus set an example for young ones, being a perfect son. We read regarding his parents, at Luke 2: “51 And he went down with them and came to Nazʹa·reth, and he continued subject to them.” Jesus continued subject to his imperfect parents, knowing they were doing their best to raise him according to God’s law and standards. May parents today do likewise, in love raising their children God’s way. How happy the entire family can be when each member does his part to cooperate with God’s instruction! But what of other relatives, and what further instruction will encourage peaceful interaction and contribute to family happiness?
7. RELATIVES. Certainly a thorough examination of the family should not leave out the role of grandparents, aunts, uncles and other relatives. If all such persons respect God’s word and the parents’ wishes in how their children are raised, hopefully in harmony with God’s instruction for families, then many pleasant times can be enjoyed as family members interact. If this is not the case with certain family members, then try your best to convey to such ones your wishes. One day, “the earth will certainly be filled with the knowledge of Jehovah, as the waters cover the sea.” (Isa 11:9). Perhaps your expressing hope to them that they be around to welcome back resurrected relatives from the past will encourage them to consider God’s word and respect your wishes to raise your family in harmony with God’s wishes. Still, love should be shown all relatives, as our merciful God, according to Matthew 5:45, “makes his sun rise on both the wicked and the good and makes it rain on both the righteous and the unrighteous.”
8. FINDING JOY. For married partners, besides love and respect, what other attributes or practices can increase the joy of the family? Communication has been called the lifeblood of a marriage. Having a spirit of teamwork, husband and wife should have an overriding atmosphere of trust and faith in one another, delighting in discussing important matters relating to the family. Along the same lines, family study of God’s word together, addressing pertinent issues or circumstances as they come along, or just increasing in understanding of true faith and love for God and one another, can greatly increase joy as spiritual gems are uncovered. Likewise, some preparation together for meetings of Bible study can also prove beneficial. Prayer as a family is also a fine opportunity to draw closer together as you take family matters to Jehovah God, including Him in your plans as a family. Praying specifically, thanking Him for blessings, and even acknowledging mistakes made among one another, seeking God’s forgiveness, these things can prove to be helpful to family happiness. It has been said that a family that prays together stays together, or at least increases loyalty among one another.
9. COMMITMENT. Viewed by some to be one of the secrets of a successful marriage, commitment to one another can contribute to a lasting relationship. Choosing to view the marriage as a lasting bond creates a sense of security between the couple that can endure even through difficult times. Genuine commitment to one another that is based on mutual love and respect and God’s direction is a far better reason to stay together than social or family pressure. When entering marriage, divorce should not be considered as a “fallback plan,” since in God’s eyes the two come together and become “one flesh” (Gen 2:24). They are to deal lovingly with one another and treasure their relationship. As Malachi 2:16 states: “For I hate divorce,” says Jehovah the God of Israel, “and the one who covers his garment with violence,” says Jehovah of armies. “And guard yourselves respecting your spirit, and you must not deal treacherously.” Marriage mates are thus encouraged to be loyal to one another and view their marriage as a lasting bond, turning to God prayerfully regarding anything that may threaten the peace and happiness of the marriage. Recall the things that drew you to your mate in the beginning, and see what adjustments each one can make to improve the relationship, looking to God and his word for assistance. For example, be quick to forgive and quick to apologize (Prov 19:11; Matt 6:14,15). Strengthen your commitment to one another, and find God’s blessing on your family.
10. APPROPRIATE PARENTAL DISCIPLINE. The term “discipline” comes from the same root as “disciple,” which means a taught or trained one. Therefore the discipline God expects parents to give their children is not harsh and should not be given in anger, but rather should be given in love and seeks to train a child in the right way to go. While helpful punishment may be appropriate at times for a child to learn an important lesson, it should be given sparingly, as Jesus did not go around punishing his disciples, but taught and trained them. Wise parents set reasonable rules and train their children to abide by them. Children need such boundaries to become well-adjusted adults. Be consistent with discipline—when rules are violated, the consequences should be enforced, but take circumstances into account. Also be generous with commendation when rules are respected. If a child makes a mistake, you might let the child know you are proud of all the good decisions he or she has made, and encourage him or her to make the needed correction, having your support. As Colossians 3:21 states, “You fathers, do not be exasperating your children, so that they do not become downhearted.” May parents make sure their children can see their love for them in the discipline they offer.
11. GOALS FOR YOUNG. Goals are like blueprints that can be turned into reality with effort. Parents can assist their children in the setting of good goals that will contribute to their happiness and in learning industriousness. Children should be praised not merely for knowing or having learned something, but rather for putting that knowledge to work to help others in some way. Setting goals can brighten a child’s outlook, having things to work for and look forward to. Real goals involve planning, flexibility, and usually hard work. Short-range goals may take days or weeks to accomplish, medium-range, months, and long-range, a year or more. Long-range goals may be accomplished by setting several intermediate goals. Start by setting smaller goals, reaching them with ease, before trying bigger ones, building confidence. To aid success, take your goals to Jehovah in prayer. Proverbs 16:3 says “Roll your works upon Jehovah himself and your plans will be firmly established.” The Bible encourages us to work at planting, that we may reap a fine harvest. We read at Ecclesiastes 11:4, “The one who watches the wind will not sow seed, and the one who looks at the clouds will not reap.” So like planting in a garden, work at accomplishing good goals that will make you a better person. Include reading and learning from God’s word in your goals, that you may grow in wisdom, as the Bible book of Proverbs encourages. To help, identify your goals by making a list and prioritizing them—choosing which one you want to work on first, second, and so on. Set a realistic deadline for each goal. Plan the steps involved in reaching each goal, while anticipating obstacles that may interfere and what’s needed to overcome them. Then get started, even if all the details aren’t yet worked out. As Proverbs 21:5 says, “The plans of the diligent surely lead to success.” Be diligent and find success at reaching good goals that please our loving God, Jehovah.
12. COMMUNICATE. Recall that communication has been called the lifeblood of a marriage. It is certainly that important between parents and children as well. Make sure your children see that you are always there for them to consult with when they need you. Work hard at maintaining this throughout their youth, although this may become more challenging as they grow older. Be available on their timetable if possible. Some of the best conversations parents have had with their teenagers have been after midnight. Make sure they know you care about their feelings, that they may not think they need to turn elsewhere for help. Really listen to your child when he or she needs you, turning off the TV if necessary. Take advantage of car rides and mealtimes for good conversation. Some, at dinner time, have related the worst thing and the best thing that happened that day, serving to unite them, knowing they don’t have to face problems alone. Remember we have two ears and only one mouth, to recall that we should listen perhaps twice as much as we speak. James 1:19 says “Be quick to listen [and] slow to speak.” May all in the family show love in their dealings with one another, children seeking to honor their parents as they aim to raise them in God’s way, under His authority.
13. GOD’S BENEFICIAL ADVICE. So may each member of your family take seriously the advice of our loving God Jehovah, by showing proper love and respect between husband and wife, and proper obedience as children. Recognizing our proper roles in the family make possible a much more peaceful and happy family life. Practicing good communication, studying God’s word together as a family, and praying together also add greatly to family happiness. Having commitment among marriage partners, training children with loving discipline, and helping children set and reach good goals can also add to the peace and happiness of the family. May we continue to find spiritual gems in our study of God’s word, that we can apply to our own family life and in our dealings with others, bringing honor and praise to our God Jehovah, revealing to all that His instruction truly is for the benefit and happiness of all persons.
2. ROLES, HUSBAND. Each member of a family plays a significant role in promoting genuine peace within the family arrangement. God’s word outlines the most important traits each is to practice to maintain this peace. Let’s begin with the husband and father. According to Ephesians 5:25, the counsel to them is “Husbands, continue loving your wives, just as the Christ also loved the congregation and gave himself up for it.” Jesus set the example for husbands, that just as he loved the Christian congregation of his followers, the husband is to love his wife the same. In fact, Ephesians 5 continues: “28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself, 29 for no man ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cherishes it, just as the Christ does the congregation.” All men should give attention to the example of Christ, that they may know how to show love as he did, and as God does. As the husband shows love as he should, this makes it easier for others in the family to fulfill their assigned roles as well. Patience should be shown the man as he seeks to fulfill this requirement of God.
3. SPIRITUAL HEAD. It is in this context of the role of the husband that we can understand the authority given the husband by Jehovah to be the spiritual head of the family. The husband, however, also has to answer to headship over him—that of the Christ, Jesus. As Jesus answers to Jehovah God, so the husband must answer to Jesus for the way he deals with those under his headship—the members of his family. This headship principle is found, for instance, in 1Corinthians 11:3 where we read: “3 But I want you to know that the head of every man is the Christ; in turn, the head of a woman is the man; in turn, the head of the Christ is God.” Here we clearly see that the ultimate head over all is God, Jehovah, who gives loving instruction for all in the family based on His word, the Bible. As the spiritual head of his family, the husband is responsible to see that his family is properly instructed in spiritual matters. It is quite common for the wife to be “delegated” this responsibility, but the husband should not be shirking his responsibility in these matters. If he loves his wife and any children, he should want to learn what he needs to know to properly care for their spiritual needs. God’s organization provides ample education for husbands to care properly for this. Godly wives should encourage their husbands to accept their responsibility in these matters, although the wife can still play a role in instructing the children.
4. WIFE. Now for the wife and mother. The primary spiritual trait encouraged for the wife in Ephesians 5 is deep respect for her husband. Ephesians 5:22-24 reads this way: “22 Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord, 23 because a husband is head of his wife just as the Christ is head of the congregation, he being a savior of this body. 24 In fact, as the congregation is in subjection to the Christ, wives should also be to their husbands in everything.” While the proper submission to the husband is made clear here, the truly loving husband will consult with his wife in the making of decisions, wanting to include her in the important matters pertaining to the family. This is Scriptural, just as the godly husband and wife Abraham and Sarah set an example. Sarah called Abraham “lord”, yet in an important matter God revealed to Abraham that he needed to listen to Sarah’s suggestion. (Gen 21:9-12). Notice how this is mentioned in 1Peter 3:1-6: “In the same way, you wives, be in subjection to your husbands, so that if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of their wives, 2 because of having been eyewitnesses of your chaste conduct together with deep respect. 3 Do not let your adornment be external—the braiding of hair and the wearing of gold ornaments or fine clothing—4 but let it be the secret person of the heart in the incorruptible adornment of the quiet and mild spirit, which is of great value in the eyes of God. 5 For this is how the holy women of the past who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, subjecting themselves to their husbands, 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you have become her children, provided you continue doing good and do not give in to fear.”
5. HUMILITY, MILDNESS, RESPECT. Thus, God’s word encourages wives to have chaste conduct and deep respect for their husbands, and to let their adornment not be so much external but internal—a quiet and mild spirit, of great value in the eyes of God. This mildness is shown not only when tempers could flare, but rather it is a gentleness of spirit that is shown throughout the day in varying situations, a persistently gentle spirit. What of quietness? A quiet spirit certainly includes humility and loyalty. Women with proper humility will not unnecessarily nag their husbands, or be overtly opinionated, quarrelsome, or loud about their ideas (Prov 27:15). A humble and loyal wife will not be quick to find fault with her husband, but always try to encourage her husband in his loyalty to God. This would be showing him the respect that God encourages wives to have. Husbands and wives, then, should work diligently to observe the counsel of Ephesians 5:33: “Nevertheless, each one of you must love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.”
6. CHILDREN. Children certainly are encouraged to be in subjection to their parents or guardians. This is in harmony with the counsel of Ephesians 6:1-4 “Children, be obedient to your parents in union with the Lord, for this is righteous. 2 “Honor your father and your mother” is the first command with a promise: 3 “That it may go well with you and you may remain a long time on the earth.” 4 And fathers, do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and admonition of Jehovah.” Certainly it is hoped that parents recognize the precious gift they have been given in their children, as expressed at Psalm 127:3-5, “Look! Sons are an inheritance from Jehovah; The fruitage of the belly is a reward. 4 Like arrows in the hand of a mighty man, So are the sons of youth. 5 Happy is the able-bodied man that has filled his quiver with them. They will not be ashamed, For they will speak with enemies in the gate.” Jesus set an example for young ones, being a perfect son. We read regarding his parents, at Luke 2: “51 And he went down with them and came to Nazʹa·reth, and he continued subject to them.” Jesus continued subject to his imperfect parents, knowing they were doing their best to raise him according to God’s law and standards. May parents today do likewise, in love raising their children God’s way. How happy the entire family can be when each member does his part to cooperate with God’s instruction! But what of other relatives, and what further instruction will encourage peaceful interaction and contribute to family happiness?
7. RELATIVES. Certainly a thorough examination of the family should not leave out the role of grandparents, aunts, uncles and other relatives. If all such persons respect God’s word and the parents’ wishes in how their children are raised, hopefully in harmony with God’s instruction for families, then many pleasant times can be enjoyed as family members interact. If this is not the case with certain family members, then try your best to convey to such ones your wishes. One day, “the earth will certainly be filled with the knowledge of Jehovah, as the waters cover the sea.” (Isa 11:9). Perhaps your expressing hope to them that they be around to welcome back resurrected relatives from the past will encourage them to consider God’s word and respect your wishes to raise your family in harmony with God’s wishes. Still, love should be shown all relatives, as our merciful God, according to Matthew 5:45, “makes his sun rise on both the wicked and the good and makes it rain on both the righteous and the unrighteous.”
8. FINDING JOY. For married partners, besides love and respect, what other attributes or practices can increase the joy of the family? Communication has been called the lifeblood of a marriage. Having a spirit of teamwork, husband and wife should have an overriding atmosphere of trust and faith in one another, delighting in discussing important matters relating to the family. Along the same lines, family study of God’s word together, addressing pertinent issues or circumstances as they come along, or just increasing in understanding of true faith and love for God and one another, can greatly increase joy as spiritual gems are uncovered. Likewise, some preparation together for meetings of Bible study can also prove beneficial. Prayer as a family is also a fine opportunity to draw closer together as you take family matters to Jehovah God, including Him in your plans as a family. Praying specifically, thanking Him for blessings, and even acknowledging mistakes made among one another, seeking God’s forgiveness, these things can prove to be helpful to family happiness. It has been said that a family that prays together stays together, or at least increases loyalty among one another.
9. COMMITMENT. Viewed by some to be one of the secrets of a successful marriage, commitment to one another can contribute to a lasting relationship. Choosing to view the marriage as a lasting bond creates a sense of security between the couple that can endure even through difficult times. Genuine commitment to one another that is based on mutual love and respect and God’s direction is a far better reason to stay together than social or family pressure. When entering marriage, divorce should not be considered as a “fallback plan,” since in God’s eyes the two come together and become “one flesh” (Gen 2:24). They are to deal lovingly with one another and treasure their relationship. As Malachi 2:16 states: “For I hate divorce,” says Jehovah the God of Israel, “and the one who covers his garment with violence,” says Jehovah of armies. “And guard yourselves respecting your spirit, and you must not deal treacherously.” Marriage mates are thus encouraged to be loyal to one another and view their marriage as a lasting bond, turning to God prayerfully regarding anything that may threaten the peace and happiness of the marriage. Recall the things that drew you to your mate in the beginning, and see what adjustments each one can make to improve the relationship, looking to God and his word for assistance. For example, be quick to forgive and quick to apologize (Prov 19:11; Matt 6:14,15). Strengthen your commitment to one another, and find God’s blessing on your family.
10. APPROPRIATE PARENTAL DISCIPLINE. The term “discipline” comes from the same root as “disciple,” which means a taught or trained one. Therefore the discipline God expects parents to give their children is not harsh and should not be given in anger, but rather should be given in love and seeks to train a child in the right way to go. While helpful punishment may be appropriate at times for a child to learn an important lesson, it should be given sparingly, as Jesus did not go around punishing his disciples, but taught and trained them. Wise parents set reasonable rules and train their children to abide by them. Children need such boundaries to become well-adjusted adults. Be consistent with discipline—when rules are violated, the consequences should be enforced, but take circumstances into account. Also be generous with commendation when rules are respected. If a child makes a mistake, you might let the child know you are proud of all the good decisions he or she has made, and encourage him or her to make the needed correction, having your support. As Colossians 3:21 states, “You fathers, do not be exasperating your children, so that they do not become downhearted.” May parents make sure their children can see their love for them in the discipline they offer.
11. GOALS FOR YOUNG. Goals are like blueprints that can be turned into reality with effort. Parents can assist their children in the setting of good goals that will contribute to their happiness and in learning industriousness. Children should be praised not merely for knowing or having learned something, but rather for putting that knowledge to work to help others in some way. Setting goals can brighten a child’s outlook, having things to work for and look forward to. Real goals involve planning, flexibility, and usually hard work. Short-range goals may take days or weeks to accomplish, medium-range, months, and long-range, a year or more. Long-range goals may be accomplished by setting several intermediate goals. Start by setting smaller goals, reaching them with ease, before trying bigger ones, building confidence. To aid success, take your goals to Jehovah in prayer. Proverbs 16:3 says “Roll your works upon Jehovah himself and your plans will be firmly established.” The Bible encourages us to work at planting, that we may reap a fine harvest. We read at Ecclesiastes 11:4, “The one who watches the wind will not sow seed, and the one who looks at the clouds will not reap.” So like planting in a garden, work at accomplishing good goals that will make you a better person. Include reading and learning from God’s word in your goals, that you may grow in wisdom, as the Bible book of Proverbs encourages. To help, identify your goals by making a list and prioritizing them—choosing which one you want to work on first, second, and so on. Set a realistic deadline for each goal. Plan the steps involved in reaching each goal, while anticipating obstacles that may interfere and what’s needed to overcome them. Then get started, even if all the details aren’t yet worked out. As Proverbs 21:5 says, “The plans of the diligent surely lead to success.” Be diligent and find success at reaching good goals that please our loving God, Jehovah.
12. COMMUNICATE. Recall that communication has been called the lifeblood of a marriage. It is certainly that important between parents and children as well. Make sure your children see that you are always there for them to consult with when they need you. Work hard at maintaining this throughout their youth, although this may become more challenging as they grow older. Be available on their timetable if possible. Some of the best conversations parents have had with their teenagers have been after midnight. Make sure they know you care about their feelings, that they may not think they need to turn elsewhere for help. Really listen to your child when he or she needs you, turning off the TV if necessary. Take advantage of car rides and mealtimes for good conversation. Some, at dinner time, have related the worst thing and the best thing that happened that day, serving to unite them, knowing they don’t have to face problems alone. Remember we have two ears and only one mouth, to recall that we should listen perhaps twice as much as we speak. James 1:19 says “Be quick to listen [and] slow to speak.” May all in the family show love in their dealings with one another, children seeking to honor their parents as they aim to raise them in God’s way, under His authority.
13. GOD’S BENEFICIAL ADVICE. So may each member of your family take seriously the advice of our loving God Jehovah, by showing proper love and respect between husband and wife, and proper obedience as children. Recognizing our proper roles in the family make possible a much more peaceful and happy family life. Practicing good communication, studying God’s word together as a family, and praying together also add greatly to family happiness. Having commitment among marriage partners, training children with loving discipline, and helping children set and reach good goals can also add to the peace and happiness of the family. May we continue to find spiritual gems in our study of God’s word, that we can apply to our own family life and in our dealings with others, bringing honor and praise to our God Jehovah, revealing to all that His instruction truly is for the benefit and happiness of all persons.